I don’t feel good today. My emotions have an ebb & flow, & today I don’t feel happy, hopeful & positive. I was feeling discouraged this morning, maybe triggered by stories on the radio about the local homeless problem or by watching The Free State of Jones yesterday. It’s a good movie, but depressing that people have fought injustice & oppression for so long & are still having to deal with that.
As I wrote in my journal this morning, my mood shifted to a kind of anger & vindictive feeling. This is better than depression, but still not really good. This is the kind of stuff I was writing:
Tyranny in America didn’t stop when we won our independence from the British. We still had slavery & the tyranny of the rich & powerful over the poor & vulnerable. In many ways we still have a tyranny of the rich & powerful over the poor & vulnerable, but it’s more nuanced now. Now it’s for-profit “universities” taking advantage of veterans & single mothers. Now it’s cash-advance loan sharks. Now it’s fees added to fees for unpaid tickets & bills. Now it’s homeless people having their few possessions destroyed by police so they’ll go somewhere else, always being chased away, so they never feel safe & secure.
If a person is never treated unjustly, they’ll never need to feel vindictive. Anger serves a purpose to motivate us though. When one is treated unjustly, one has a right to feel vindictive & a choice on whether to act on those feelings or not. Sometimes those feelings churn like acid inside us when we don’t act on them. Sometimes forgiveness is possible, but sometimes only justice (or at least vengeance) allows healing. Some people have to feel angry enough to fight for justice, but the anger & the fight have to be properly directed.
I don’t like this side of me that wants to see those who have hurt me suffer, but this is a part of me that won’t just go away. I won’t actively act on it without a really good reason, but my subconscious witchy side will anyway when my emotions are strong.
It’s natural for us to enjoy seeing a villain suffer in plays, books, movies, TV shows & video games. It’s human nature to want vengeance. Most of choose not to act with violence, but a part of us still enjoys seeing our perceived enemies suffer in other ways.