below-the-surface

This picture is how I feel right now, calm on the surface, but terrified below.

I’m having a very rough time right now. Our landlord gave all three of us 30 day eviction notices on Friday. The guy roommate had been having manic or schizophrenic episodes, maybe drug induced. He was burning & smashing things. He was scaring the other woman & me, so we emailed our landlord repeatedly with pictures of what the guy was doing. It’s important to understand that the guy roommate twice acted so psychotic that the police were called before we signed our rental agreements. At the time we told our landlord we’d be ok with him staying, as long as he took his meds & didn’t have any more psychotic episodes that required calling the police.

Unfortunately, the one time since then that we did call the police, the other woman called them when the guy wasn’t actually threatening us or anyone else. He was just talking to himself in a low, creepy voice. When the police arrived, he talked calmly to them & convinced them he was ok. We couldn’t use this event alone to justify his eviction, but he did do illegal burning that the fire department responded to by extinguishing his fire & giving him a warning. The guy roommate doesn’t act psychotic all the time, but it’s often enough that we’re uncomfortable living in the same house with him. He’s damaged one door by frequently slamming it, eaten our food without permission, smoked some substance with caustic smoke in the house, put up strange structures in the garage & outside, repeatedly burned things outside & in the garage, and destroyed a TV & 2 wooden stools for no other reason than his erratic whims.

The other woman roommate told our landlord that she’d be withholding rent until the guy was evicted. I told her not to do that, but she did it anyway. She thinks the landlord wouldn’t have done anything without this threat. It’s easier for her to move someplace else than it is for me, so I didn’t want to risk making the landlord mad at me. I did nothing wrong, but the landlord now wants to evict me too. She & I see this as punishing us for complaining about the guy roommate.

Our landlord first gave her a 3 day eviction notice, then changed it to the 30 day notice, so she’s all happy that she has more time to fight the eviction & live rent free.

The guy roommate told our landlord that he found some weird “voodoo” stuff in the backyard that set him off. He told me that he thought the previous roommate (who had been his friend) had hexed him. He told me that he thinks he was compelled to burn stuff because he was possessed, though he also had a pyromaniac streak when he was a kid. He told me that he’s not taking his meds & that he doesn’t believe in psychotherapy because he doesn’t think it’s necessary to try to find out the deeper reasons for one’s feelings, thoughts & behavior.

I’m very distressed. I don’t deserve to be evicted for reporting the dangerous behavior of another tenant. I paid my rent on time every month. I didn’t damage the property. I didn’t threaten the landlord with ultimatums. I watered the yard & helped keep the house clean. I sent the landlord copies of the police event reports, photos & videos to support his case for evicting the guy roommate. I hexed the dangerous roommate to leave, but our landlord & the guy roommate don’t know that.

I’m trying to stay calm right now. I’m going to talk to free legal aid on Monday morning, but it may be that the roommate who withheld rent has a better case than I do, because the landlord didn’t serve me with an illegal 3 day notice first. Even if I do have a case to fight the eviction, what would I win? An extra month rent free in a stress-filled, hostile environment?

I’d have a stronger case against my former landlady for letting people steal & throw away my possessions after she evicted me, but I don’t want to sue her. She gave me a home for 19 years. She was my best friend. I loved her & don’t want to hurt her. She just broke under her own stress. She didn’t know what else to do to get away from a bad situation.

This current landlord gave me a home for only 4 months & doesn’t care about me or the other tenants.

Now I keep fighting extreme thoughts about killing myself or doing something that would get me sent to prison. It’s hard to fight suicidal thoughts when I feel so scared of being homeless again.

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2 thoughts on “Anxiety & Eviction Notice

  1. First of all, you need to follow your pattern of thought OUT LOUD. Telling yourself out loud the reasoning behind your thoughts is extremely awakening. You will realize that the “catastrophizing”and reasoning doesn’t make sense. Please follow my blog. I have a new post about challenging negative thoughts, and a great post about core beliefs. http://www.thefrozenorangesociety.com Hang in there please. “This too shall pass.”

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  2. Thanks for the support.

    At least I’m self-aware enough to realize I’m going into catastrophic thinking & to try to find ways to calm myself. I find blogging like this helps a lot. Blogging forces me to think rationally about my emotions, without trivializing or trying to ignore them. It’s like talking out loud, without bothering the other people in the house. Lol

    Right now I’m also sitting in a Starbucks as I write. This lets me get away from the house into a safe, calm, reassuring environment. Free Wi-Fi & not too expensive if I only get hot tea.

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