I found it will cost over $ 500/week to stay in a clean, dog-friendly motel. The slightly cheaper one nearby has cockroaches, bed bugs, prostitutes and drug dealers. I’m glad I have this option, because it makes me feel less in a panic about our eviction day coming on Sunday, but maybe there’s another alternative?

I’ve been working on my resume and cover letter, which both look pretty good now. I got some advice and positivity from a lady at the public library who helps people with their resumes and job searches a for couple hours each week. I also bought a couple of nice work/ interview blouses and simple, non-dangle earrings for job interviews. All this is making me feel like I can get back into the workforce to earn enough money for rent and other expenses.

My other 2 housemates were planning to stay in the house and fight the eviction, but the people from free legal aid weren’t sounding very hopeful about that. My not-psycho roommate was getting discouraged and starting to worry about being homeless again in her van with her cats. She told me she dreamt that I put out a fire on the roof of the house, which made me think of trying to put out the “fire” with our current situation.

At first I felt like I wanted to get away from this house and from both my roommates, but when I considered the cost of staying in the motel for possibly 3 weeks is more than the cost of renting the house for one month, I started to consider renting the whole house. There will be other expenses too – gas, electricity and Wi-Fi/ Roku TV. (Water and trash collection are included with the rent.) If we have 3 people each paying their fair share, I can afford to rent the house directly from the homeowner. The problem is finding other tenants who will be reliable.

I want the psychotic roommate gone. I don’t feel sorry for him being evicted and probably homeless. I worry about the other woman roommate though. She’s basically a good person who’s already been though too much bad stuff in her life. She’s been short on the rent a couple times though, so I think it’s reasonable to expect she might continue to be short on her rent. I think I’ll also have to pay the back rent she didn’t pay our landlord, in order to convince him to rent to me and let her stay there.

Looking at the situation from the landlord’s point of view, it’s going to cost him time and money to try to evict us – or the other 2 housemates – from this house. Neither of them has paid rent for September or October, but I have. That by itself sets me apart as a more reliable tenant in his eyes. I don’t yet have a job or SSI to pay my bills, but I have money from savings and a good chance of getting a decent job. They both have SSI, which doesn’t go very far, but while the sometimes psychotic roommate does drugs and is delusional, the woman is relatively reasonable, doesn’t do drugs, and might be able to earn some income if she has a stable home. Then all we’ll need is one more stable, reliable, easy-to-get-along-with tenant. I think we can find one within a month.

My main reason for rethinking my plan to run from the house, though, is that I care about the other woman roommate and don’t want her to be homeless and scared. I have empathy for her. I want to be considerate and kind. Of course, I also want to continue to live in a house with cheap rent and a yard for my dog, but the overriding driver of my idea about staying was empathy for her.

I thought, maybe I’m being stupid to risk my security for another person’s comfort? There are plenty of examples in life when doing something to help someone else backfires and ends up with the person doing the helping getting hurt. It’s not easy to choose what seems to be the more ethical, altruistic choice over the one that’s rationally self-serving. I tend to choose altruism over self-interest much of the time, but I’m not stupid either.

After considering it for a day, I told her my idea of proposing to our landlord that I could rent the house from him. I want him to evict the psychotic roommate ASAP though. In return for doing that, I’m willing to pay the other woman’s back rent. There will still be difficulties, such as the psycho guy trying to stay in the house or get back into it, but this seems like the “right” thing to do.

Today I was having second thoughts again, though, “third thoughts” I guess. I wanted more guidance than just my conscience. I looked up free tarot readings online. The first site I tried was negative, seeming to say I should not try to stay in the house, but the next 3 I tried were positive, seeming to say I should. At one site I even did 3 short readings in a row, all of which said Yes, try to stay. I’m scared of getting screwed over for trusting someone and trying to help them, but staying in a motel for 3 weeks while I look for some other strangers to live with doesn’t seem like a much better option.