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I feel sad right now. I was feeling anxious earlier. When the new roommate moved in & her friend was helping her, I felt like I must have terrible social skills & seem like such a loser. Funny how the mind creates a kind of “reality” we believe even when it’s largely irrational. I’m a decent person, but it’s so easy to hate myself, then start feeling like the world would be better off without me.

The people at this public library seem noisier than at the others I’ve used. Yesterday 2 adults next to me at the laptop tables started arguing with each other because one thought the other was talking too loud, then she was just as loud & annoying as he had been. The man next to me now was intermittently singing to himself. An hour ago, a woman was talking too loudly on her phone. It seems like people mostly don’t dare to ask the adults to quiet down, though they will ask the kids to do so. The kids are just following what the adults do though.

*Sigh* How do I get my amorphous angst out of my mind and onto this blog page?

I made a physical spell to get a home, not just a house, but a real home. I think it worked. I like the house I’m in now. The new roommates seem nice, sane, and are not drug addicts. Kaylee & the other lady’s dog seem to be getting along, though Kaylee is showing signs of trying to bully the other.

Kaylee snapped at her once, which is how she makes a more submissive dog fear her. Then all she has to do is give the other dog a look. She tried to take the other dog’s rawhide chew, but I took it & gave it back. I think other people tend to let Kaylee get away with domineering behavior toward other dogs, but I try to stop unwanted behavior before it gets out of hand. I’m not mean to my dogs, but I want them to respect me as their alpha, which I think they do.

Kaylee and I have an odd owner-pet relationship. She’s not emotionally dependent on me, but I think she knows she can count on me to take care of her. She doesn’t like to sleep on my bed, but likes to be inside near the humans sometimes. Other times she likes to be outside on her own bed or lying in the grass. She likes it when people say she’s pretty and when they pet or scratch her. She lies on the ground and asks for belly rubs by moving her front paws. She walks away when she’s tired of being brushed, but lies down to let me put antibiotic spray or ointment on her sore elbow.  She barks when she wants to be let out, but also takes my cue to pee before riding in the car or before I go to bed at night. She’s smart, friendly, and as easy-going as a California surfer high on weed.

I have a home, but now I need more money. A good job will be one way to get an income, but money can come in other ways too. I did a money spell that felt like it was working. Right after, I got the phone call saying when the new roommate would be moving in. She doesn’t represent money coming to me, but she does represent money coming to my landlady, which indirectly benefits me. Yesterday I did online surveys for fast food coupons and contest entries. A good coupon is as good a money, & online contests have better odds than lotteries. Maybe I’ll get lucky & win a couple hundred dollars worth of merchandise at a store, which would be just as good as money. I keep thinking I deserve to win $500, because that’s how much I gave back to my last roommate after she flaked out on this room. I’m not sure if good deeds like that are actually rewarded or punished in this world though. Maybe she’s supposed to learn a life lesson by not having that money? Maybe I interfered by letting her get out of this room too easy?

I went to the last house to pick up the last of my things on Monday. My female ex-roommate acted toward me like I was her enemy, even though her flaking out on this room cost me $500. The sometimes psychotic guy was friendly and was still hoping the 3 of us could all be roommates together someday. I told him my current landlady only wants female roommates.

 

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