The house is cold. Last night I put a hand and body warmer pack in my bed to stay warm. That worked really well. I wish I had more of them.

I went to a job interview for a temp agency this morning. It went ok, but I found out the former supervisor I put at the top of my references list had a stroke, so I really need my former landlady to come through as a reference. She said she’d be one, but the phone number I have for her is no longer in service. She hasn’t responded back on Facebook. Maybe I can reach her in Second Life?

I’m feeling alone and down right now, so that’s what the picture above represents. My roommate told our landlady that my dog peed on the carpet, even though I didn’t tell her when the dogs she’s watching did the same. Why did she do that? Why doesn’t she have my back when I have hers? My landlady didn’t seem angry, but it bothers me that the roommate told her.

I’ve been trying to survive as best I can. I got a part-time minimum wage job at a call center for environmental causes. I’ve been doing ok for the past 4 evenings, but it’s not the kind of work that will pay my rent and other expenses. I shoplifted kibble and glucosamine tablets for my dog, but I haven’t shoplifted anything I didn’t need or could get with food stamps for myself. I haven’t been wasting money by eating out, not even fast food with coupons. My car repairs took $ 700, & my rent is $ 550, so along with all the overdraft fees I had after I paid the yard guy $ 70 and $ 700 for my car repairs, I’m a month behind where I thought I’d be for money. I don’t know if I’ll have enough for February rent. Since I paid for Janae’s room in November even though she never moved in, I don’t think I should have to pay, at least not the full amount. My landlady disagrees. She thinks I’m responsible for Janae’s backing out of her rental agreement, because I agreed to pay for both of us that first month.

Part of me thinks no one wants to read about me feeling depressed or worried. It’s probably annoying to read posts by someone who’s always complaining and unhappy. On the other hand, if I can’t post my real feelings to my blog, then it doesn’t serve me the way it’s meant to do. Whatever other people get out of reading my blog is secondary to what I want to get out of it.

On that note, I’m sorry I haven’t been reading, liking & commenting on other people’s posts. For some reason, I haven’t been able to link to the posts of those who’ve liked my posts. I’ve also been busy trying to get a job, then working at the one I got. I’ve wanted more time to read and play, but right now, I’ve had to focus most of my waking hours toward earning enough money to pay my rent. Since my current job is during TV prime time, I haven’t even been able to watch much TV.

I spend hours going though email notices from online job boards for job openings that are either closed, I’ve already applied to them, or they’re not what I’m qualified to do. I put “Lab Technician”, “Lab Assistant”, “Manufacturing” and “Quality Assurance” in my job search keywords, so why do I get email for nursing and manager positions, let alone Lyft drivers?

I did one mystery shopper job for fast food, that cost me $ 9.74 for the meal and will pay me back with a bit more in February. I’ve got 2 more shops for tomorrow that will pay me $ 29, less the cost of gas to drive to them. My Wi-Fi is probably going to run out on Sunday, so I’ll have to pay another $ 55 to keep it going for another month. It’s not practical now that I’m putting out resumes online and having to keep on top of my email for that to only use Wi-Fi at the library or Starbucks. I can’t even afford to go to Starbucks now.

I suppose I shouldn’t feel so discouraged. After only 10 days of seriously putting out all the online resumes I could, I got one job and 2 interviews for better ones. I just feel scared because my money is close to running out and I’m scared of being homeless and alone again. Especially when it’s so cold outside and I see homeless people sleeping on sidewalks every evening when I drive to work, I’m afraid that could easily be me.

I put on nice clothes and makeup for the interview this morning, but I didn’t have any mascara. I bought some afterward for the next interview, which was another expense on the limited funds I have. I bought rawhide chews for my dog too, because she barks and complains when she doesn’t get some kind of treat at night. I bought a little bit of food at Big Lots, but food like that is on my CalFresh card, so it doesn’t affect my bank account.




2 thoughts on “Cold & Alone

  1. I’ve been doing a bad job of stalking your blog, sorry! Glad to hear you went out and got job, despite it being a crappy minimum wage one
    Internet blogs are for honesty! Don’t worry about what people will think, you write for you, and so people might understand you. Or at least, that’s why I do :/ Makes no sense to lie about being happy on a blog when you’re depressed

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