Actually, I’m mostly learning how to weigh out almond products, then test them for bacteria, yeast and mold. I like my new work. I like my company, my coworkers, my supervisor, the exercise I’m getting by climbing stairs and walking through the building, the smell of fresh almond butter and seasoned almonds, and re-learning how to weigh-out stuff and use a pipette.
After I lost my last job, I didn’t get right back into the game. I thought I had enough money in savings that I could take a break to figure out what I really wanted to do with my life. Unfortunately, sometimes Life decides for us.
I started looking after my Mom instead of looking for a real job, then that became my job, because no one else would help me with her problems as her Alzheimer’s got worse. As my stress and financial situation got worse, so did my depression and my low self-esteem. I felt like no one would hire me or help me. When I dreamt of working in a lab, I dreamt of being late and not being able to do the job. I had these kinds of dreams so often, that I began to view this possibility as a kind of reality. – Our subconscious believes what we tell it, whether these things are objectively true or not.
It wasn’t until I redid my resume last year and had someone I didn’t know view it objectively that I realized I actually do have marketable skills and experience.
In my most recent part-time job, I found myself similarly deflating my skills and value. My supervisor told me I was doing a great job, but I kept saying, “So, I’m doing ok.” – To be honest, I did a great job on a few days and a passible job on other days, but on the whole I did ok in a job that I’d never done before. – Now, going back to the kind of work I have a college degree for and years of experience doing, I guess I shouldn’t be too surprised that I’m doing ok.
I think somehow my Mom is partly responsible for me deflating my skills and value. Most of the things I enjoyed doing and was good at doing, she didn’t care about or devalued in some way. She liked telling other people I was smart, but I think that was because she felt my intelligence reflected back on her.
Anyway, I had a good day today, I like my new job, and I’m making a decent income again. Yay for me! I even feel happy today.