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I have several safe spaces. The bathtub is one of my favorites, either with bubbles or essential oils. I used to love soaking in a warm bath when I lived in the house I grew up in. I think now it must remind me subconsciously of being back in the womb, where the rest of the world can’t hurt me. Later I moved to a house with a shower instead of a tub, but I still dream of my old home. It’s never nice and relaxing there though. It’s always hard to get enough warm, clean water to bathe. I dream of the plumbing backing up, so the water is dirty. The plumbing is always bad when I dream of my old house. I think that’s because water represents emotions and bad plumbing represents unresolved emotional conflicts with my mother.

My bedroom is another safe space. When I dream of my old bedroom though, it’s a mess. The old brown and beige wool carpet is still there. Some of my old toys and belongings might be there. The closet is full of clothes that no longer fit though, and I know I no longer own any of those toys and things.

The home that I grew up in used to be a safe space. When I dream of it now though, I remember that my mother and I no longer own it. She sold it. Other people live there now. We don’t belong there. Why do we keep coming back here in my dreams, when we no longer deserve to be here?

The beach, especially by Fort Brag, California, is sometimes one of my safe spaces. In my dreams the ocean is usually peaceful and calming too. When it’s not, it’s stormy or rising up over the land like a tsunami. I sometimes wonder if when I’m drawn to dive into the ocean in my dreams, if what it represents symbolically is death and the desire to be free from this world?

Sometimes I can create a safe space inside my own mind. Other times my mind is my worst enemy, creating fear, guilt, depression, despondency, catastrophic thinking, and suicidal thoughts. Sometimes I can calm the storm and create a peaceful beach in my mind. Other times it screams at me that nobody likes me, I’m a loser, I’m broken, and the only way I’ll ever be at peace is in death.

( Reposted from my comment at this blog: https://mindfump.com/2017/03/20/68-calm-finding-your-safe-space/comment-page-1/#comment-2285 )

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