flowers in test tubes

Happy Ostara!. That’s pagan for the first day of spring. The United Nations also says this is the International Day of Happiness. I’m pretty happy – all things considered – but still not out of the woods yet.

I’m being evaluated at work – all this week and the next – to see if I can get proficient in core skills for our lab. I’m so nervous when I know I’m being evaluated that sometimes I do worse than I did the first 2 weeks when I was just practicing a little. I need a lot more practice to get proficient, and to relax when I’m being evaluated.

I took too long to weigh out stuff. I took too long to plate and inoculate from my practice flakes. I didn’t drop a pipet tip into the sample flask today though, so I guess that’s better. I did drop a pipet tip on the ground. (It bounced out of the trash.)

I was so anxious this morning that I couldn’t eat breakfast. I ate a fruit and nut bar and drank a yogurt drink at my first break instead. I was too anxious to eat my lunch at lunch, but I ate it during my afternoon break. This weekend I couldn’t eat much either, but I can stand to cut a few calories and lose some weight. I don’t feel so anxious that I can’t relax and sleep tonight though, so that’s an improvement from last Friday.

I can’t wear jewelry at work that might help me feel grounded and magically protected, so I drew protective runes on my bra instead. Whether there’s a magical effect or not, little rituals like this help me relax and feel protected. I need to get through these next 2 weeks of evaluations ok in order to keep this job.