Second Life is but a dream

Alycia & Pete, _ Ratii dAlliez (3-4-14)

I sometimes think about what I like in a sexual fantasy. I tend to create an imaginary scenario in which various sexual encounters could easily take place, then stick with that scenario until it no longer arouses or interests me. Last night after wandering around a few adult venues in SL, I thought about what it takes for me to feel comfortable engaging in virtual sex in Second Life, and I wondered if could I pick the perfect SL setting the same way that I create an erotic mental scenario?

One obviously doesn’t get all the same sensations or emotional support from an online encounter as one does from a real life sexual or romantic relationship. On the other hand, one can get many of these things without also having to deal with certain Real Life problems with sexual and romantic encounters.

Obviously, we can’t get an STD, assaulted or pregnant from an online sexual encounter. Many of us also know that we can get a sense of an emotional connection and friendship from online relationships. People who for various physical, financial or social reasons can’t easily make new friends or romantic partners in physical reality can often connect more easily online. People can also explore parts of their personality or alternate personas in ways that make them feel freer and more confident than they do in normal physical reality.

Given the fact that virtual encounters on a platform like Second Life are so much freer and free of real world consequences than they would be in physical reality, I’m surprised that people often carry the same social mores they have in physical reality into the virtual world. Why are people who dress as vampires or cartoon animals in SL considered weird? Why are woman who sell sexual fantasies to men still considered prostitutes and still disrespected as such, especially since what they do is often more like writing an erotic story than it is like having physical sex? Why is it often considered tacky and disreputable to engage in virtual sex with anyone other than one’s single significant other in the virtual world, even if the couple in question could be on other sides of the world in physical reality or might even be married to other people in Real Life?

I think it’s because Sex is not just a physical act. It is even more a psychological act. It is whatever excites, arouses and satisfies us sexually. Images create sexual thoughts and feelings. We feel arousal. Words remind us of real life physical touch. We feel arousal again. We imagine more than what we see or read or hear. We imagine what would arouse us more at that moment. We may touch ourselves or we might not. Ideas alone may be sufficient.

What happens then after the virtual encounter? We may feel more relaxed and closer to the other person, we might feel sexually unsatisfied, or we might even feel unhappy or icky about the encounter. We might feel like what we did was bad somehow, which might make us feel like the other person was bad too. We might think disparaging things about them or hide from them, hoping to never encounter them again.

Why? This other person is probably no worse a human being than we are ourselves. If one person pays for sexual satisfaction and one accepts money for providing sexual satisfaction, both are still engaging in a business transaction for sexual pleasure. In virtual reality, those who function as prostitutes are seldom working under duress or to support a drug habit. In most countries what they’re doing is not illegal. They aren’t spreading STDs. They aren’t supporting organized crime or terrorists. So why are SL “escorts” still treated badly, often by the same men who make use of their services?

For myself, I try to figure out what kind of sexual fantasy arouses me without also making me feel icky in some way. I personally don’t like most Domination-submission fantasies because they usually give me this icky sensation at some point. I’m not turned on by rape or abuse fantasies, but I also concede that a fantasy can provide arousal even if the real life act would not. People are complicated, and human sexual arousal can be very complicated.

I think most women who engage in virtual SL sex feel both more aroused and more safe when they’re acting out a monogamous romantic relationship. First they build an emotional connection with their partner, then they play at virtual sex with that partner. Often this partner eventually reveals aspects of himself (or herself) that don’t fit the initial fantasy the other person had of them. Both may grow unsatisfied and bored, at which point it’s easy for one or the other to break up. I think serial monogamy with occasional cheating is very much the norm in SL – much as it is in RL – because we tend to act out the same psychological needs, expectations and misunderstandings in virtual reality as we do in physical reality, though it’s also much easier to get in and out of relationships in virtual reality.

For myself, I like fantasies that involve voyeurism and exhibitionism, safe casual sex, and being in control of my sexual relationships. When I had a RL boyfriend in SL I wanted to remain sexually faithful to him, even though I wasn’t getting much sex with him in RL or SL. I ended up finding places in SL that allowed virtual sex with scripted objects, rather than with other avatars. This allowed me to interact in a virtual sex scenario without involving another person, and thus without “cheating”.

Often SL sex is basically interactive cartoon porn. If it involves other avatars, everyone involved is creating this porn together. If it’s between one avatar and a scripted object, then it’s a collaboration between the object creator/ text writer and the person who’s interacting with that object. This might be an alien creature that rises from a pond while a woman naps on a rock. It might be a stone dragon that comes to life. It might be a tentacle creature. It might be a vibrator, a sofa, or even a towel with masturbation animations in it.

I find that often I feel uncomfortable acting out casual sexual encounters in SL as my primary character. I think this goes back to wanting to be viewed as someone who’s “normal”, proper and respectable. I feel like being viewed as normal and respectable is safer than being viewed as weird and unsavory, so I want my main avatar – who I associate with being me – to be viewed as normal and respectable.

If I want to get a little kinky and sexually adventurous in SL, I sometimes go in as an alt who doesn’t have a reputation to protect. Other times I might stay as my main avatar, but change her appearance to be that of an alien or succubus. By changing her appearance like this, I imagine that normal human sexual mores no longer apply to her. As a alien or demonic succubus she may be genetically or culturally driven to have much more sex than humans normally have. She might feed on sexual energy or be curious about how various alien creatures will engage sexually with her.

I find that often virtual settings are more arousing to me than are the other avatars I might see in those settings. This is because I’m aroused by the idea of what could happen in such a place. Just walking around an empty club that promises casual sexual encounters is arousing. Knowing that my partner and I could be secretly watched or that I could secretly watch others arouses me. Sometimes I’ve been to such places with a partner. We might be busily texting each other in private IM while pushing animation buttons and adjusting our avatar positions. We might be trying desperately to keep the mood erotic and arousing between us, and then suddenly some guy in the sim IMs me and disrupts the mood. – Don’t be the noob who does this, as doing so will hardly ever result in you getting to jump on sex balls with the person you IM. Please just watch quietly and maybe IM the person the next time you see them alone in such a place.

One such place that I’ve explored multiple times as it’s undergone multiple incarnations is “U.F.O. Abduction the SexXxperience”. The theme in this venue is that of a large spaceship full of little green aliens who observe humans and other creatures engaging in a variety of sexual encounters. Last night there was only one other avatar there besides myself, and I wasn’t interested in playing with him or anyone else, but after I logged off I imagined a scenario I could play there that intrigued me. What if my avatar were asleep and wearing a skimpy little nightgown when she was picked up by these aliens? She might think she was having a particularly vivid dream. She might have been feeling horny before she went to sleep, so allowing this experience to become what she thinks is just a very vivid sex dream allows her (me) to play at casual virtual sex without attaching normal RL waking life mores to it.

This idea intrigues me. One could role-play it at various sims that encourage casual virtual sex. One simply needs to announce in local chat or to the person who IMs them or who they IM that they think they must be having a very vivid dream. If one can show up in pajamas or a skimpy nightgown, so much the better, though they may need to abide by the dress code of that sim instead.

What are you wearing when you find yourself in sex dream? I don’t think I’d ever start out naked, but sometimes I may dream that I have just a blanket or towel wrapped around me. I don’t think I have a blanket I can wear wrapped around my avatar in SL, but I think I do have a towel or a terrycloth robe.

Karma, Naked Poety

(A naked poetry reading in SL, a scenario that mimics a possible sex dream.)

 

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How My Writer Mind Works in a Lucid Dream

interior of bus

This is my dream from this morning. Note that when I use brackets [ ] this means I’m making commentary after I’ve woken and am recording the dream.

 

Vampire Hunter (a dream segment)

I’m on a bus with other people. I seem to be seeing this scene from the front of the bus, then switching between this perspective and that of a young woman sitting at a front seat. The central character is this young woman, athletic-looking, quiet and intense, dark hair, probably in a braid or short. She’s wearing a leather jacket and maybe matching leather pants. The jacket is dark reddish-brown, the color of dried blood. The bus is driving through a city. She sits at a front seat, opposite side to the driver. [This needs to be the driver’s side for a story.] There’s an older woman, a kid and a man on the bus too, maybe 3 or 4 other people besides her.

The bus stops to let on another passenger. He gets on at the center door instead of at the front. [This is on the driver’s side but would be opposite the driver in real life. The woman needs to be behind the driver in order to have the best view of him.] She watches him carefully. He’s youngish, tall and thin, wearing nondescript clothes, maybe a T-shirt – black, not white – and dark jeans. He’s white with short hair, looks dangerous, like a potential trouble-maker. The other passengers don’t pay much attention to him, but she does. She watches him intently.

He doesn’t seem to notice or care. He doesn’t leave the steps by the middle door as the doors close and the bus moves again. He looks toward the driver then changes his demeanor, like a predator about to strike. He looks like a vampire now, and is about to attack the closest passenger. He’s planning on killing everyone inside the bus and feeding on them. He’s part of an vampire gang. This is a world in which gangs of vampires have become a constant danger.

The woman quickly takes out a weapon and fires it at him. It’s not a gun, but fires a wooden or metal bolt into his chest. Then she leaps over to him and finishes him off. The other passengers are all panicking and screaming for a few minutes, then they’re in shock, then the driver is thanking the woman for saving them. She doesn’t stay around to wait for the police or other authorities. She gets off the bus and goes out of the city.

She goes to a camp outside of the city. The ground is flat, a clearing with oak trees around it and a few big boulders, like in the California foothills. There are other people here too. One is a man who is her friend and a fellow fighter. He has short blond hair and wears maybe a white T-shirt and jeans [and probably boots too]. There is a white awning over one area that could be a kitchen or other work area of some kind. There is also a small pen, man-sized. [It would have to metal to be strong enough.] There are also a couple of tents.

The woman goes over to the pen first. Is there a male captive in it? Maybe she puts a man in it? Maybe she didn’t kill the vampire on the bus and puts him in it?She says something to the man, who is angry and combative.

Then she goes to her friend and asks him how things are going. He says they’re going good and he invented something new for their fight. Maybe it’s a new kind of weapon?

[I’ve known since I first saw the vampire on the bus that she’s a vampire too, but nothing yet makes this obvious. Her friend the inventor is also a vampire. They’re part of a group that’s fighting the bad vampires who are attacking people. My point of view is partly as her, but keeps shifting to outside of her too.]

A middle aged or older woman has followed me up here. I keep thinking of her as my mother, but maybe she just reminds me of my mother? She doesn’t know that I’m a vampire, that some of us in this camp are vampires, and that we’ve been fighting the monster vampires. I’m going to have to tell her soon, but I want to wait until she can tell we’re the good guys. I tell her to stay away from the guy in the pen. She’s too curious for her own good and not careful enough. She doesn’t know yet how dangerous he is.

Now my consciousness moves out of the woman and I seem to be watching from the middle of the camp, at a spot where I can see all the characters. I say seeming to another woman, ” I love how I’m watching my characters and paying attention to what they say and don’t say. She hasn’t yet said anything to the woman about the captive guy being a vampire,…and that’s important.” I linger here at this perspective and wonder which character I’ll find myself inside next. I think I could enter the perspective of any of these people if I wanted, but right now I’m enjoying watching them and not actively directing them. I watch as the central character woman walks out of a small cave that functions as a shelter for their people, then down a short dirt path into the middle of the camp, a little ways in front of me. Then I feel myself back inside her.

I’m talking with my friend the inventor. I look at a mountain in the distance. [This is what I’d call a small mountain, not like the Sierras.] It’s brown like dry dirt and shaped kind of like an upturned tea cup, but a little pointier. My friend says the bad vampires are there on that mountain. I say, “But it’s diurnal.” I think maybe those vampires don’t go out during the day and only hunt at night. Yet we’re obviously out during the daylight even though we’re vampires. I’m trying to sort out how a “diurnal” mountain is important, because this seems important somehow. Did the attack on the bus happen at twilight? Do the other vampires hide inside a cave during the day? I’m starting to adjust the story so the other vampires are not active during the day, but this doesn’t really make sense and may not be necessary.

I wake at this point.

 

 

 

Running Out of Time?

Hourglass

I expect my landlady may show up tomorrow and try to hand me a 3 day notice. She sent a copy of one to my roommate to give me today, but if it’s dated for tomorrow, that’s probably not legal. I didn’t respond to her text notice last night, and I don’t think sending a text like that is legally binding anyway.

I  filled out online forms for my new job today, the one that doesn’t start until November 28. I also talked to a hiring manager who’s interested in hiring me for my old job at the company that’s now under new ownership. That would be closer and probably easier, if my old supervisor wouldn’t stop them from rehiring me.

Almost all the tarot readings I’ve done for myself or that others have done for me say everything’s going to be fine, Success is either here or right on the horizon, but I still need money that I don’t have. One guy did one reading for me with the 5 of Pentacles (Poverty and Suffering) in the future, but that card was pretty much the exception from the rest of the reading.

My roommate wants me to talk to our landlady and explain to her that I’m about to get a job and rent money. I feel like I want to hide from her until I have the money to hand to her.

The job in Vacaville scares me, mostly because the company is so strict, but also because the long drive might be hard on my car and the long hours might be hard on me.

Taking my old job seems easier, but every time I dreamt of going back there to work as a temp, the same management problems from before were still a problem. In my dreams, I always leave thinking I don’t have to work there anymore and it’s not my fault that they’re still so messed up. In “real life” people seem to be leaving that company like rats leaving a sinking ship, so I don’t think that’s actually a secure job either.

I wish I could get something NOW, to start Monday or sooner, so I can pay my rent and other expenses that will hit next week.

I sold plasma this morning and put $20 of that $25 into gas money. New California gas taxes hit tomorrow, so I wanted to fill up my tank today. I can get another $30 for selling more plasma on Friday or Saturday, but I can’t continually give twice a week, because my blood protein levels would drop too low.

A Devil & Paper Horses – part 1 (a dream)

origami horse

I’m writing this dream here instead of in my dream journal. It’s an anxiety nightmare.

I’m looking over a big dark room below me, like a basement full of clutter. I’m standing at the top of these stairs after just climbing out of the room myself. Maybe there’s a storm coming and water threatens to flood the room? There were other people and a bunch of small pets in the room that I just helped climb out, and I think they’re on their way to a safer place. Then I look back and see 3 more small animals. They seem to be tiny white horses. I walk back down the stairs to rescue them too. They’re small enough that I can hold all 3 of them in my hands, but as I pick them up, I realize they’re made of paper. They’re just slips of paper that have somehow been magically animated. They still seem alive though. They still seem to have individual “souls” of some kind. As I hold them, I can feel the paper softly brushing against my hands. I know I’m dreaming now, and the physical sensation seems very unusual and wonderful.

I realize the devil or a devil is down there in that basement too. I think he created the horses to try to keep me down there longer. He’s trying to trap me again, but I’ll keep fighting him. I’m also not going to abandon these amazing little horses just because he’s trying to use them to make me vulnerable to him. I hold the horses in my hands as I run away from here and find the place where my friends and the other animals have gone for safety. It’s a tall brick building. The upper exterior looks like a clock. I fly up to a balcony and go inside. There’s a big room here too, dry and well lit, full of furniture and shelves full of all kinds of things. I put the paper horses down on the ground, and they run around as if they’re alive, just like the other pets here. There are dogs, cats, and rabbits.

Everyone here seems safe, but I still worry about the devil chasing us. I fly outside to look around, then try to come back into this room. Outside are dark, narrow, winding city streets, with tall buildings flanking them. The space inside looks a little different now, maybe not as safe and comfortable, but I know places keep changing in dreams, so I tell myself this is the same place and we’re all still safe. I know the devil is still out there too somewhere. I can feel him still stalking me and trying to get me. I wake some time after this.

33

My Soul Collage card for my “Devil”.  It represents depression and suicidal thoughts.

 

I’m trying to get ready this morning for another interview at 11 am, for a chemistry lab technician job. It would be a little closer and probably pay better than the one I interviewed for yesterday. – Wish me luck.

Can’t Sleep – too much worrying

Cant sleep meme

I have an interview tomorrow, but I can’t sleep because I keep thinking that even if I get a job now, I won’t have money to buy gas to drive to work.

One solution might be a part time call-center job, if I can still get that.

I’m also upset about my landlady coming back on Wednesday – though my roommate warned her not to bring her boyfriend’s dog because hers has contagious kennel cough. Maybe this will deter her a few days? She wants to clean out her bedroom here, so she can rent it to my roommate’s friend.

I was trying to sleep with the radio playing, but then dreamt of being in the house I grew up in. There were 3 small white puppies that should have been together in one place, but each was in a different place and none were being fed properly. One is in my Mom’s bathroom. One is out in the kitchen. One is in the middle bathroom. I talk to the one in the middle bathroom & ask him how many times I’ve fed him since he’s been here. He says twice. I think this isn’t even once a day, so he must be starving. He and the others are all so quiet & not complaining. I worry that I’m slowly starving them by not taking proper care of them.

Note: When I dream of trying to protect and take care of baby animals, I think this refers to a part of myself that isn’t getting adequate care and protection.

I couldn’t sleep, so I got up and took a bath. I don’t want to be the crazy roommate who takes baths at 2:30 am. I want to be employed in a good-paying, full-time job that I actually like and am capable of keeping.

 

Fear Demon & Fake City (dream)

City Inside Out - Haveit Neox - Maddy Gynoid

(Picture of “City Inside Out”, a Second Life art installation by Haveit Neox, picture by Maddy Gynoid, at Echt Virtuell)

In a dream I had early this morning, I go into a building that has convention rooms toward the back. I see the words “Pagan Pride” over a pair of doors and want to go there, because I want to go to a Pagan Pride Festival this weekend in physical reality. Instead of heading straight for those doors however, I go to the left and into another room with a buffet in it. I want to eat some of the food here, but then think I’m getting distracted from going to the Pagan Pride Festival. I go back to look for that room, but now I can’t find it.

I go outside of this building and look around. The area and building reminds me of some old department store, maybe Montgomery Ward?, that isn’t in physical reality anymore.

I go back inside and meet a character who looks at first like a normal human man, but which I think feels demonic, the kind of spirit I call a fear demon. [I think this is a spirit which can appear in dreams and create nightmares, so it can feed off a person’s fear.] At one point it looks like a child swinging on a swing, but I don’t trust it. It seems to be playing the role of a ghost child, trying to get me or other people in the dream to feel sorry for it, so it can lead us into a scary place where it has more control. Other people in the dream don’t see that it’s manipulative and evil.

When I’m not tricked by the child character, it changes into a medium sized black dog. I’m attracted to the dog at first and try to talk to it, but I feel a malevolence within it, like it’s not a real dog. I move away from it.

A scruffy white dog appears. I’m attracted to it at first and want to help it. When I look more closely at it though, I realize it’s the same black dog, which is really a demon. I say something like, “You can’t fool me. I know you’re the same black dog.” Now it changes back into the black dog and snarls menacingly at me. I turn away from it and go outside again.

Now the world outside looks like part of a city, but in a kind of circular, bowl-like shape. The colors are mostly dark brown, beige, rust and grey – like dirt and decay. It’s neither day or night, but more of a twilight with city lights. I fly up to the top of a building near me and see its flat roof is covered with boxes and debris. I land here and look around. This is when I think this space seems circular and artificial, like a bowl with buildings making up the circumference, almost like mountains. The sky and colors beyond are mostly brown and rust-colored. The building I’m standing on is light grey concrete.

I feel kind of trapped in this environment, like the demon wants me here, but I’m also lucid and in control of myself, so I’m not scared. I know it can’t really hurt me. I fly around this building and look for a higher one, from which to get a better view.  I find one, fly to the top and land. From here I can see the top of the previous building, which is in the center of this bowl-like cityscape. I’m able to see that this is all a construction, almost like a dark city sim in Second Life, except the border is circular instead of square. I know the demon can’t manipulate me from this spot.

At this point the city dissolves around me and I wake, around 6 am.

Notes & Interpretation:

I was awake and online around 4 am before I had this dream. I had just read a blog post about a dream in which Papa Legba appeared with some dogs and read that he’s associated with dogs much like Hecate is. Just before I fell asleep, I saw in my mind a some brightly colored symbols on a black background, a mostly black, medium sized dog apparently dead in a trash can, then the same dog alive and well.  This dog seemed to symbolize a possible deity or spirit guide.

I believe there are demonic spirits which can feed on human emotions and energy. From personal subjective experience in dreams, I think some specialize in giving people nightmares, so they can feed on fear, but they can feed on a person’s fear (or other strong emotions) in waking life too. When I dream of these kind of spirits, they try to manipulate my dream so I’ll be scared, but since I tend to become lucid when I’m scared, I can usually outmaneuver them and wake myself up.

I’ve been feeling some anxiety over needing a job and money lately, so a fear demon might have thought I was vulnerable last night. Even though I’ve had some periods of anxiety, though, I’ve also felt more confident and magically empowered than I have in a long time. I find it interesting that this apparent demon tried different forms to try to trick me, but I was able to see though all of them. Then it seemed to get annoyed with me for seeing though it’s disguises, so it tried to trap me in a dream environment it constructed. Maybe the decaying city was supposed to make me feel homeless and lost, but I instead viewed it as a kind of virtual reality construct, almost like a constructed dream environment in the movie Inception. I didn’t worry about not being able to move into a different environment, because I was fascinated with how this one was designed. I don’t think this bowl-shape is one I would have invented myself. Though it does remind me of Hell in Dante’s Inferno or the underground labs in Westworld, in the dream it reminded me most of a man-made sim in Second Life, which means it would be fake and harmless.

I read probably in a blog recently that Fear is an illusion, and that our higher self tries to show us this by exposing us to the things we fear. It’s basically trying to say, “See that wasn’t so bad, was it?”, but it doesn’t think *anything* is really that bad, so it can expose us to some really horrible situations by normal standards. I mention this idea, because maybe the whole “fear demon” idea is a construct that my subconscious uses to make me feel less fearful in waking life reality?  (I still think these are real external entities, though.)

When I picked out the picture at the top of this post, I had the idea that it probably annoys that demon. Instead of being an image that seems scary to me, it’s of an art installation that I loved in SL. I contributed a short piece of writing to it, which was about a homeless woman in my old neighborhood. Also, instead of making me feel vulnerable to being homeless myself, it reminds me of the drive to help others who are vulnerable and of the power of art and writing to empower us to improve our world.

I’m still feeling big mood swings lately though, the product of stress and money worries. I was thinking today that when I feel anxiety, it feels like something is pulling at my soul as if it were taffy.

17 (3 dreams)

17 I’m probably wasting time by making this post, so I’ll try to keep it short. I need to be checking email and putting out job applications. I noticed the number 17 in a recent dream, though, and it was in two of my dreams again this morning. A friend on Facebook also posted that her son will be turning 17 soon. Maybe somebody wants me to remember this number? (I was also feeling stressed, and writing relaxes me and makes me feel happy.)

In my earlier dream, I go to see Katrhin (my previous landlady/ friend). She’s living in a small, old, white-painted house that’s owned by another woman who owns a larger house on the same property. (This is like a place she stayed in while on vacation in Fort Bragg.) She’s trying to figure out how to furnish this house, which has several rooms. I want to stay here with her, but I don’t think she really wants me here. I keep thinking I just need one little room with a bed and access to a bathroom. I pick a room to be mine.

A tall, attractive, middle-aged man comes into the house. He seems nice. I want him to have a place here too. (He’s not like our old roommate who drove us both crazy.) There’s a sun room with a white or yellow couch in it. I think he can sleep there. Then Kathrin changes the sofa for a smaller one. Now it’s too short for the man, so if he sleeps there, either his feet will hang over or he’ll have to sleep curled up in a ball. While I want us to all have safe, comfortable places to sleep, I get the feeling she wants to live here by herself.

I check out the bathroom that’s between my room and the kitchen. It’s old, but there’s a functional sink and shower-bath. I don’t see a toilet, though, and tell Kathrin she’ll have to put one in. I think she must have her own bathroom somewhere and doesn’t want to bother with putting in a toilet here. I think this house situation isn’t going to resolve the way I want. I know I’m dreaming, but I think this is her house, so I can’t tell her what to do with it. (It’s like I’m invading her dream.)

[Note, plumbing problems in dreams symbolizes emotional problems for me. Not having a working toilet could symbolize not wanting to deal with emotional issues, while a toilet that backs up or won’t flush (such as I would dream of in the house I grew up in) symbolizes not dealing with emotional problems that really need to be dealt with.]

Kathrin goes out to the house of the other woman who lives on this property. I follow her. The lady in this house reminds me of one of my mother’s aunts, but she’s Kathrin’s friend in this dream. She has white hair and seems very nice. I go to use her guest bathroom to wash my hands. It has light pink tile. I use some hand lotion and seem to use too much of it. Later the woman asks me if I used her “eye wash” and says she’s missing alot of it. I think I did use some light lotion in a pink bottle that was probably expensive (like Kathrin’s aloe stuff that was good on sunburns). I’m not sure if the stuff I used was the same as the stuff that’s missing, because lotion wouldn’t be “eye wash”. I say I didn’t, though I feel like I probably did. (I wake here and go back to sleep.)

In a later dream, I meet my nephew Peter, who’s younger here. He’s about to start a new job that he’s excited about. I ask him how old he’ll be when he starts the job. He says 17. I say that’s a good time to start working. Then I remember he worked at Burger King when he lived with me and Mom, and I think he was in high school then. I ask him how old he was when he worked at Burger King and lived with us. He says 15. I say, “So this isn’t your first job.” He says no. I think this job he’s talking about now is about this moment in this dream, while the other was about waking-life reality and isn’t significant to this dream. I start to become conscious of waking-life reality, start to feel sad, and maybe realize that Peter wouldn’t really be friendly with me like he is in this dream? (Maybe I wake briefly and go back to sleep?)

In my last dream, I’m in a lab with other people. I think the dark-haired woman talking to 2 other lab workers is my supervisor. I’m with a younger woman who is also a new hire. We’re all wearing white lab coats. The lab is white too. I think I’m supposed to weigh out powdered hot chocolate, so the others can run some test with it. I ask my supervisor how much I need to weigh out. I can see a number across the room that looks like 100 and something, but I can’t see it clearly. She says, “17 grams”. I think, ok I can do that. I was worried I might mess up on something, but weighing out 17 grams of powdered chocolate seems ridiculously easy for lab work. The others are going to mix it with a liquid for a test [or an extraction?]. I wake after this. (Note this part might be about a lab job I spoke about on the phone with a recruiter from a temp agency, since that lab works with sugars and dairy products.)