New Moon & Manifestation Work

Nearly New Moon

(Sorry, I’m rambling a bit at here.)

I went to a farmers market, Trader Joe’s, a tarot spell class, and a new moon ritual yesterday. I spent about $11 at the farmers market, $20 at Trader Joe’s, $10 for the class, $10 for a bee pendant, and $4 for a jar of “new job” salt. (I’m keeping track of my spending because I have to make my money last until I get a new job.)

The class was obviously based on a book I recently bought at a used book store, so while it was good, it wasn’t much new information for me. I didn’t mind paying for it though, because the teacher was the same one who taught a great class on hoodoo potions the week before, including a bunch of free samples. Even though I didn’t pay for that class, I’ve since bought items from her product line.

Lately I’ve been doing more magically than mundanely to get a new job. This is of course problematic, because magic can’t work if it doesn’t have a path to work through. Months back I dreamt of a small pyramid that said “As above, so below.” The rest of that saying is “As within, so without.” The full moon and new moon rituals I went to, as well as my spell work and magical baths are part of me working on my “within” blocks to getting a new job.  Now I need to work on the “without” stuff. The new moon is a good time for this.

I said something in the ritual that worried me, then I worried if it’s right to publicly discuss stuff that happens in ritual. When I was involved in another magical group, our rituals were private, so I’m used to the idea of not discussing what happens in ritual. This was a public ritual though, so maybe it’s ok.

At the end, some of us said things we wanted to manifest in the world. One person asked for the impeachment of Donald Trump. I said. “No, Peace,…and Harmony.” I worried over saying this, because I think it’s wrong to say “No” to what someone else says in a ritual. I also thought it was wrong to say something that was so specifically political at a public ritual, in which we don’t know everyone’s political leanings. I have a bad habit of responding to questions or otherwise commenting when the person wasn’t speaking to me. Maybe this is because I think I know so much – a common Virgo tendency, but not one that’s very endearing to people. I think my intention was good, but I shouldn’t have said “No”.

This comment and my response to it made me think of something. Witches all over the US have been doing spell work to prevent Trump from being elected, then to get him out of office. This didn’t work at first, because he was elected, but maybe it’s helping to get him out now?  His administration seems to be imploding while he behaves like a spoiled toddler having temper tantrums. I don’t think he’s completely stupid, but he’s been behaving very stupidly. I personally despise him and admit to quite a bit of schadenfreude when I see his administration imploding.

Anyway, at the ritual I was more concerned with the stress and anxiety people have been feeling. In a post on a witchy Facebook book group, someone asked if people were having more nightmares and feeling off lately. People said they are. I think this is because of all the tension and violence in the world and in the news. We all feel it, even if we’re not watching the news constantly. It invades our subconscious and our dreams. I asked in the ritual for this pervasive tension to be lifted, for the good of everyone. Then I wondered if it might serve a purpose too?

There are two things I often ask for in my own life: Security and Feeling Secure. Even though it might seem counter-intuitive, these are separate things. Being safe and secure means one won’t be physically hurt, but even when one is safe, one might not feel safe. One might be in a constant state of anxiety, which makes it very hard to get things done. On the other hand, one might feel perfectly safe, when they really aren’t, which means they might not act to protect themselves. Either of these states is bad. The ideal is to both be safe and feel safe. My usual problem is that when I feel anxious, it’s hard for me to get things done, so I need to feel safe. Sometimes though, I also feel too secure when I need to be working on protecting myself.

Maybe the people of this world also need to feel unsafe, when we are unsafe? Maybe we need to not feel protected and complacent? Maybe we need to worry about rising oceans, melting permafrost, raging wildfires, warfare in distant lands, other people staving and dying, other people losing their homes and homelands, other people hurting, other people feeling scared, other people feeling threatened and angry. Each of us might be more or less safe and secure in our homes and lives, but we’re all connected to these other people too, and what they feel and experience does affect us.

If one is psychically sensitive, massive anxiety in other people will affect them. Empaths feel this the most acutely, but we all feel it at some level subconsciously. If you watch or read the news and have even a normal level of empathy, you’ll feel it and be affected by it. Even if you don’t feel it as anxiety or sadness, you’ll be affected indirectly by the actions of these other people.

People displaced by famine and war have to go somewhere. Maybe you won’t have thousands of displaced immigrants moving into your town, but what about the homeless people in your parks and alleys, under your bridges and on your sidewalks? You might not care about polar bears drowning, but rising sea levels will affect most of us eventually. Maybe all you’ll notice personally is the price of food going up in your supermarket, but world events eventually trickle down to affecting all of us now, because we’re economically and socially connected, as well as being metaphysically connected.

People who are scared, hurt and angry tend to do things that can hurt other people. This was why I asked for Peace and Harmony in this world, but I don’t want it to be the kind of Peace that keeps us from noticing that something is wrong and needs to be fixed. If your neighbor’s house is on fire, you need to help put it out, not sit in Zen-like peacefulness inside your own house.

For this new moon I want to manifest safety, security and prosperity for myself.

I also hope for better safety, cooperation, and harmony for our world.

 

 

Liminal Spaces (and a dream)

three rooms

The word liminal comes from the Latin word limen, meaning threshold – any point or place of entering or beginning. A liminal space is the time between the ‘what was’ and the ‘next.’ It is a place of transition, waiting, and not knowing.

Examples of liminal spaces are doorways, shorelines, airports – or a birth canal. These can be viewed as magical spaces where transitions take place. A hotel room can be viewed as a liminal space, because it’s not our home, yet is our home away from home. It’s a place we stay when we’re between places, and it evokes a kind of magical safe space for us in a world of strangers.

The moment of Now is also a liminal time, because it is neither the past nor the future, but is a becoming point for what will soon be.

(Dream)
I dreamt yesterday morning that I was in a big, old hotel. I go to my room and find it’s a nice corner room with soft yellow light coming in through the blinds. The furnishings look old, but not shabby.  I go out to explore the rest of the hotel. Then realize I don’t have a key to my room. I think that when I go back I’ll be locked out, if I can even find my way back.

Holel Room 509

I try to find my way back, but come to the hotel kitchen instead. I think there are many passageways in this hotel, and some of the rooms may be changing as I stand here. I think some passageways lead to rooms that could be scary, but others will be normal and nice. I like the idea that there are choices here, so someone could experience a scary, haunted hotel if they wish, or a nice, normal one if they want that. I open the door to the kitchen, finding it’s unlocked. I think I don’t need to worry about being locked out of my room, because I’ll find other, not-scary rooms that are unlocked and where I can feel safe. I walk through the kitchen, then through a service hallway that leads to a service elevator that guests don’t usually use.

A man who works in the hotel is standing here. He might be a concierge and seems like a dream guide. He says I can take the elevator if I wish and that there is one guest room that is outside of time and space. That sounds interesting, but then I wonder if I were to go into it, if I’d have a hard time getting back. I imagine the room with old furnishings. I imagine people from the 1920’s or 1930’s being in it. I wonder if the people who go into that room end up feeling sad and lost because they can’t get back to their own time, or if they sometimes can get back to where they feel they belong again. I also imagine a kind of liquid running down the outside of the walls of the room and wonder if it’s like an elevator that moves through time instead of going up and down through space. I think going into that room might be dangerous, so I don’t try to find it. I don’t go into the elevator either.  (End of dream)

Key-PNG-File

There were lots of doors, a key, hallways, and an elevator in this dream. These things are symbols for metaphysical passageways and crossroads. The man I speak with at the elevator is a crossroads guardian, a kind of psychopomp in the dream world. The overriding theme was of having a multitude of choices and opportunities in life. I can choose to be afraid or not afraid. I can choose adventure or security. I can’t be sure of everything that will happen, but I don’t have to feel threatened and vulnerable if I don’t want this.

This hotel was not a normal place. It was what I call a crossroads local. I believe that crossroad locals in dreams are where the dreamer can go to different places, different time settings, and even different metaphysical planes.

With the idea that there are different realms of existence, comes the idea that there are spirits or deities that guard the crossroads between these realms. Examples of crossroads deities are Hermes, Mercury, Papa Legba, Elugua, Hecate, or an archetype I call the Guardian of the Crossroads. Historically, marketplaces were set up at crossroads, so these deities sometimes became associated with marketplaces and commerce, as well as with travel, thieves, and liminal spaces.

I’ve found that in my dreams crossroad locals can be places were roads meet, doorways, caves, stairwells, cemeteries, train stations, airports, docks, shopping malls, and now apparently hotels. These are places where I can become lucid, the dream setting and feeling can change, and I might get guidance from a dream guide.

I read recently about a writer who had been looking for a specific book, but couldn’t find it. (This was before Google and Amazon.) One day she found it lying on the ground in a grocery store. Obviously this was a gift from the Universe or from whatever spirits were looking after her. What she didn’t seem to realize in my opinion, was that this could have been a gift from the Guardian of Crossroads, because a shopping market is symbolically connected to the idea of the Marketplace, which is in turn connected to metaphysical Crossroads.

People who are sensitive to subtle energies can feel when a physical crossroads is also a metaphysical crossroads. These are sometimes places where people will leave special markings or offerings. Occasionally shrines are built here too. A common example are places where someone has died in a traffic accident, so their family and friends leave flowers, pictures, and sometimes toys to help guide the deceased spirit to the other side. I’ve seen a few spots near crossroads where people have left other unusual markings. Even if these locations didn’t have much magical energy to begin with, repeated use by people as spiritual locations intensifies the spiritual energy here.

Crossroads_shrine,_Houtave

A hotel, especially an old hotel would probably be another kind of metaphysical crossroads because of the idea of liminal spaces. (Also, Inns where often placed at crossroads, just as were marketplaces.) A hotel room is not a home, yet functions as a home away from home. It is both a public space and a private space, or a protected, private space in the middle of a bigger public space. It’s kind of like a magic circle in a way, because it’s a bounded space in which the person who holds the key to it can feel safe and protected for a limited time. The person is in transition from one place to another, one state of being to another, yet they are protected for a time in this special place. Imagine in how many rooms, over how much time, these liminal spaces are created within an old hotel. Opening the door to your room, opens the circle. Releasing your key back to the hotel desk, releases whatever spirits protected you while you stayed there. No wonder writers love to create TV shows about weird, old hotels where strange things can happen.

 

 

Tarot Spell – Temperance & Control

Control Tarot Spell

I’m watching 6 dogs today as I work on this Tarot spell. One dog is about to be picked up. The four that don’t belong to me and my roommate are all males, and a couple aren’t neutered, so there is too much testosterone and dominating, aggressive energy among them. I put a few drops of lavender, lemongrass, a “Relax” essential oil blend, and hoodoo “Peace Water” in a small spray bottle with water. Then I spayed all the anxious and fighting male dogs to help calm them down.

I usually have a pretty calming energy myself, which helps calm dogs. When I get too irritated, I sometimes snap and yell at them, though. The little one who sometimes rolls in poo, I threatened to drown in the bathtub, but of course I wouldn’t really do that. I was experimenting to see if thinking this would change his behavior. That seemed to work on my old roommate’s dog when I threatened to kill her and eat her if she kept chewing up my underwear that was on my bedroom floor.

Anyway, I’ve been studying tarot cards and working on spells using them lately. I really like this Llewellyn Tarot deck, which is based on the Rider-White-Smith deck, but with illustrations based on Welsh mythology. The spell book I’m using for spread ideas is Tarot Spells, by Janina Renee. The books I’m using to interpret the cards are The Llewellyn Tarot Companion – by Anna-Marie Ferguson, The Witch’s Guide to Life – by Kala Trobe, and Tarot Wisdom – by Rachel Pollack. I’m also reading Instant Magic, by Christopher Penczak, and aligning this spell with some of his ideas,

The paradigm I use to explain how magic works is that everything is metaphysically connected because everything was created out of the same creative consciousness (which we call God). Metaphorically speaking, we’re all fingers on the hands of God, thinking we’re separate, when we really aren’t. Symbolic magic works because a symbolic representation of something is metaphysically connected to that thing and to all the ideas and forces that symbol represents. It also works because a symbol helps the magic caster focus on that thing, target, idea, deity or elemental force.

Tarot cards are complex and layered symbolic representations of ideas. Some of the symbols are widely understood to have fairly well established meanings, and are thus part of our human collective unconscious. Water, for instance, represents emotions and psychic abilities, so the suite of Cups in Tarot represents emotions and psychic abilities. Individual symbols on the cards have both broadly established meanings and individual, subjective meanings. These subjective meanings are particularity important in spell-casting with Tarot cards, because one taps into one’s own subconscious when forming and directing a spell. The established meanings of specific cards, as well as the subjective meanings of particular symbols or orientation of the figures on the cards all play into which cards to choose for casting a spell.

I’m female, so I prefer a card that signifies me in a spell spread to have a female figure on it. Sometimes several different cards could be used in the same position in a spell spread, so I’ll consider the gender of the figure on the card, the orientation of the figure toward other cards, the dominant colors in the card, and secondary figures or symbols on the card when selecting which card to use. All of these factors affect my subconscious when casting the spell, so they’re just as important as the established meanings of the card. In the spell spread above, Temperance provides my feminine aspect, so the spread feels to me like it’s about me. (It doesn’t hurt that she also has a white dog and is underwater, representing both emotions and the underworld).

I want a spell that helps me control my emotions and sometimes scattered thoughts, that helps me focus my thoughts and actions toward getting a job, rather than getting distracted by outside forces or internal emotions. Both Temperance and The Chariot have meanings that include controlling and harmonizing conflicting forces. Temperance is usually a less-active feminine figure, while The Chariot  is usually an active masculine figure. Since I want this spell to create action in my life, I’m setting the last card as an active card that represents (among other meanings) success in one’s pursuits. The Magician is a masculine card that represents (among other meanings) directing one’s intellect, magical Will, powers of communication and charm toward a goal.

In Instant Magick, Chris Penczak says the 3 basic parts of an effective spell are:

  1. Altering one’s consciousness (into one that allows us to tap into magical forces)
  2. Focusing one’s will (on the desired result)
  3. Directing magical energy (which I’ll call magical power) toward the desired result

Temperance in the first position can represent the first part of an effective spell, and also what I’ll call magical potential. It represents extremes that have been experienced and assimilated, diverse energies synthesized through temperance, opposites untied and balanced, Moderation, Balance, Self-Control, Adaptation, Bridging two worlds, Harmony, and Inner Peace. This is my ideal starting point in this spell.

The Magician in the second position represents focusing one’s mental powers and magical will toward the desired result. It represents being in control of oneself and of the elements, the ability to call upon higher forces, the ability to influence other people, the ability to translate will into effect, the ability to move strategically to attain one’s goals, Talent, Intelligence, Confidence, Skill, Communication, Eloquence, Charm, Persuasion, Influence, Leadership, Control, Purpose, and working in the Arts and Sciences. This is the card that represents movement from my initial state to my desired state.

The Chariot in the third position represents Directing magical power (partly from one’s own will, partly from the symbols on the cards, and partly from divine or elemental forces) toward the desired result of the spell. It represents controlling one’s emotions and inner conflicts, harnessing and directing conflicting forces, overcoming obstacles, opposition or conflict, swift action toward a goal, maintaining control of forces, rapid success in one’s endeavors, Journey, Progress, Force, Control, Willpower, Strength, Success, Victory, and what I’ll call Active Balance. This is the card that represents me controlling and directing both my internal and external forces, the desired outcome of the spell.

I could arrange the cards as if they’re steps going upward, but I don’t feel like this is necessary for me. Since I read from left to right, laying the cards from left to right also denotes movement in my desired direction.

As with any spell, one starts with establishing a calm and focused altered state of consciousness. This can be done by lighting a candle, reciting a chant, or some other simple ritual actions. This establishes a magical state distinct from normal consciousness, from which the spell can begin.

Next one focuses on what one wants to accomplish with the spell. I might focus on each card and say aloud what it means to me. Always say these things in the positive and present form. Say this is so, not that it might be or will be. This is because our subconscious works this way. Everything is in the present in our subconscious, and it doesn’t pay much attention to negatives such as “not” or “never” in affirmations.

One must imagine and believe that the spell will work/ is working. It doesn’t matter if the target of one’s spell knows about it or believes in it, but the spell caster needs to believe in his or her own power. Self-doubt can make a spell not work right, so at least while one is casting the spell, one needs to believe that it can and will work.

Finally one needs to end the spell. This can be done by saying “So Mote It Be”, which means “So may it be” or “So it is”. Extinguishing the candle one has lit is part of closing a spell, as is dismissing whatever powers or deities one has evoked. At this point one needs to ground back into normal reality and let go of worrying about whether the spell will work or not. It’s kind of like sending out a homing pigeon or raven (in Game of Thrones). The spell can’t do what it needs to do, if you keep calling it back. Just trust that it will do it’s thing. If it doesn’t work as intended, you can try another spell later.

 

Creator of The Spiral Path

Three of Pentacles 2

Creator of the Spiral Path is the name of the picture on the right. It’s one of my favorite Soul Collage pictures I’ve made, representing how we are the creators of our own lives, in a very positive and hopeful way.

The picture on the left is the Three of Pentacles from a Tarot deck I recently bought. Unlike the more common  Rider-White-Smith image for this card, the central figure is a woman sewing, rather than a man doing stonework for a Cathedral. Either way, the card represents skilled work, dedication, contentment, and possible spiritual growth. The birch tree represents new beginnings. The spiderweb represents connectedness. The infinity symbol represents eternity and eternal truths. This is the card I’m going to use for my significator in a tarot job spell I want to do. Not that I’m content now, but I want to be.  I want my skill set and experience to give me confidence as I try to get a new job. I want to do work I’m good at and comfortable doing. I want to feel safe and content. And I want to be paid fairly for my work.

Of course spirals can also have a negative connotation of  repeating old patterns. I hate this part of my life, feeling like it’s so hard to break out of negative thinking, bad habits, and ineffective behaviors. I’m fighting with these negative spirals lately, just as I’m also hopeful that I can create a better future for myself.

I wish I could write more that’s clever and uplifting, but I’m feeling depressed, so that’s too difficult right now.

Trapped 2

trapped-leaf

This is how I’m feeling lately. My mind is a mess, unfocused, easily distracted, sometimes anxious, but just as often calm. I feel like a leaf floating down a river. I keep getting caught in spots where I spin around in pointless circles, trapped behind some little rock or dead branch. A current catches me and moves me a little further, until I get caught in another trap.

I’m home most of the day, watching my dog and 5 others. My roommate watches dogs for pay, but I watch them more than she does and get paid nothing for my time. I’m also watching two little ones as a favor for my landlady, charging $ 10 per day, which I’ll take off my rent. Each dog individually is not much trouble, but 6 in one small house can be. They all vie for attention, with the potential for conflict. One of the little ones rolls in poo sometimes, then needs to be bathed. My Kaylee wants to keep them out of our room, or at least keep them from running past her and jumping onto my bed. She snarls and snaps at them, trying to terrify them, but doesn’t draw blood. I decided to watch how she feels about them, then take my cue from her as to whether I let each of them in or not. I realized that if I don’t set boundaries on these dogs, she will, so better I keep them out than for her to start fighting with them. Dogs will always seek better status in the household hierarchy, so as humans we need to be sure they know we’re the alphas of the pack.

My roommate has a new job she likes, but doesn’t have a car. She lost it for mysterious reasons. Not paying her car payment? Getting traffic tickets? I don’t know how someone can afford alcohol, weed, new clothes and a trip to Las Vegas, but can’t afford to make car payments or get her car out of impound. She’s a good person for the most part though, so I’ve been giving her rides to work and picking her up sometimes. I told her I want $ 5/ day for driving her, but she often “forgets” to pay me. She also “forgot” to pay me for the 6 pack of hard cider she and her boyfriend drank without asking me.  – I dreamt one morning that another friend wanted me to help her with some work instead letting me do my own. I realized after I woke that this was really about me doing too much for my roommate, when I should be doing more for myself.

Some days are so hot that I focus on keeping cool and getting drive-away chores done early in the day. When I get home, it’s hot and I’m tired, so I lie on my bed, listening to the radio, then sometimes dozing off. I get up to watch the news, then maybe a TV show. I don’t spend enough time on my job search. I worry that I don’t have enough high-speed data on my hot-spot. I try using the local library for their free computer access. Then I get distracted by Facebook, YouTube, or annoying people at the library. I’m not going into Second Life, but I’m still wasting time. Today I was so frustrated with the slowness of Internet Explorer on my laptop, that I finally downloaded and used Mozilla instead. This seems so much faster now. Hurray!

When my computer was updating Windows the other day, I couldn’t use it for anything else, so I got pulled into a sci-fi paperback in a series I like. Now this book calls to me, suggesting I can read a little more before I go to do my work.

Our refrigerator wasn’t working the day before yesterday, frozen food melting, cold food not staying cold. My roommate called to tell our landlady, who quickly bought a new refrigerator and brought dry ice to keep the food cold in the meantime. The delivery of the new refrigerator came yesterday, so I had to clear out all the food from the old refrigerator, clean it, then put the food into the new one. I still need to clean the shelves before I put them back in the old refrigerator, which is now in our garage. It’s not even really broken though, since the freezer was still working. It probably just had the cold air from the freezer blocked by ice build up or something.

I don’t feel grounded and centered. I’ve used essential oils, baths and spells to help me be more calm and focused, but my mind is still a mess most of the time. I feel like I’m too sensitive to the emotions of other people around me, so I’m better when I’m in the house alone. The dogs have emotions too though. Most of the time I keep them calm enough, but sometimes one will be whining, demanding attention, or barking at every person who walks by outside.

Alien Rescue (a dream)

goodbugs-thranx

In my dream (July 14), I hear a siren, then look down at a video game. The object of the game is to drive a fire truck through traffic to its destination. I look up to speak with someone, then miss that my virtual fire truck is stopped at an intersection while traffic piles up behind it. I go back to the game to move the truck further down the street, around a corner, up another street, and to a stop. Now when I look up, I’m in front of an old, brown, 3-story Victorian house and I’m the firefighter/ paramedic who’s just arrived here.

I figure I’m still playing the same game, but now it’s a Virtual Reality game. Inside, the house is filled with anxious, agitated people. They tell me there are aliens inside. I figure now the object of this game is to successfully deal with the aliens without starting a war or letting anyone get hurt.

I ask where the aliens are. Someone says they’re upstairs. I move past several people and climb the wide stairs facing the front door. I move past several more people coming down the stairs and come to the second floor landing. Here I meet 2 more firefighter paramedics who I think must’ve got here first in another truck. I ask them what they can tell me about the aliens. They say they’re vegetarian and are in one of the rooms behind them. I move past them and more people to find 2 aliens standing in one of the back bedrooms.

They are taller than humans, with large insectoid heads and arms. I speak to them. They understand and respond in limited English. They say they’re hungry. I tell them to follow me and we’ll get them some food. I motion for them to follow me, then walk back down the stairs. The 2 aliens don’t seem to follow me, so I wonder if just motioning for them to follow was good enough communication. Then I think I should give them some food now. I go into the kitchen, get a dish, and pull out all the vegetables I can from the refrigerator.  I get several carrots, a stalk of rhubarb, and a few other leaves of green vegetables. I take this dish back up to the aliens, but wake before I reach them.

Notes:

After I wake, I think I did pretty good at making the aliens seem nonthreatening, despite them looking like giant insects. I think stalling at the intersection in the game symbolizes getting stalled in my job search, but the video game motif was less anxiety-inducing than than if I’d been dreaming of driving a car. ( I thought later that trying to get a job online is also like playing a game.) I think that for a dream in which I’m being tested, I did alright. I faced something that normally scares me in dreams (aliens, which might represent the unknown?) and handled it with calm, reason, and compassionate action. Being a firefighter/ paramedic also represents an action-oriented “hero”. Having to negotiate with aliens represents using diplomacy, intellectual skills and social skills (which I might need to get a good job). (I probably dreamt of a fire truck because I heard a siren in my sleep.) A house can represent the Self, in which case the aliens would be part of myself. All the anxious people in the house might represent my own anxious thoughts? The firefighter/ paramedics might represent the part of me that’s trying to take charge and save myself from an imagined threat? What is the “alien” side of myself hungry for? Maybe vegetables represent Life? They’re not threatening anyone, yet almost everyone is afraid of them because they seem strange.

 

 

Feeling Trapped (a dream)

assembly line - Frank and Ernest

In my dream (July 13), I first go back to my old job I had for 13 years, but 3 young Asian woman (like in my last job) are working there now.  They’re trying to run the dispensing and packaging line, but it’s not working right. Many of the labels are not date-stamped. Some bottles have double labels, some have no labels, and some are stuck in the shrink-wrap heat tunnel. The woman who was in charge day to day in my last lab job is dispensing, which means she’s the machine operator in charge of the line. She’s responsible for seeing if other people on the line are having problems, stopping the line, and fixing the problems. She’s not paying attention though, so the other 2 woman – one at the shrink-wrap tunnel and one near the boxing end – are both about to cry. (Note that in my dreams of this production line, it generally runs in a circle, rather than the L-shape it really was. This symbolizes the repetitive nature of our work and problems there.)

I try to help with production, but the woman running the line snaps at me like I’m to blame for the problems. I decide to leave. I say, “I’m leaving now. I came to work for free for one day, but I won’t be back.” I feel sorry for the 2 other women working the line, but I don’t feel any responsibility to stay and work here. I think this whole company needs to be sorted out and to fix their problems. (Note this is how all of my dreams of my old company ended, and seeing these 3 women from my last job in this situation, means I feel there are similar problems in that lab.)

I walk outside, but still feel trapped through most of this dream. There’s an older woman in one part who seems nice at first, but I get the impression that she’s really a monster who’s secretly threatening the other people who work under her. There’s also a part with a nice scruffy white dog, which I try to look after at first, but then think it’s infected with the same zombie virus as the other people who were working under that older woman. The virus originates with her. The other people want to treat her with respect because she’s a mother and grandmother, but she’s a monster beneath the surface. (She’s kind of like an evil stepmother in fairytales or the matriarch of a family of criminals. She corrupts everyone around her and brings them to ruin.) I realize I can’t fix this group or save these people by staying here. I tell them they should leave now before they get turned into zombies. I take the dog with me before it gets turned into a zombie, but eventually leave it near a house on a warm, dry hillside.

There’s a part in which I find myself back inside the building I just left. There’s a shop in the front of this big brick building and a lab in the back (which probably symbolizes Blue Diamond). There’s also a kind of commuter train with three lines – one with a neon blue light, one with a neon pink light, one with a neon green light. I take the green line (symbolizing money?), which takes me back to the same lab I’ve just escaped from. I go back and keep trying to find an escape from this place. I go through doorways, windows and ceilings. I keep moving uphill or skyward. Whenever I go outside I feel cool air and sense open space around me. I feel free then, but keep running into walls or ceilings that trap me. (The feeling of cool air may come from my window being open while I sleep.)

I come to a harbor with a castle wall next to it. I go inside the wall, which has a spiral stairway, a hall and narrow rooms in it, like in a castle. The hall and rooms have windows in them, some looking onto the harbor and others looking toward the land beyond, which is also uphill. The people here are celebrating a festival like Mardi Gras. A woman and maybe some others inside the castle wall seem like demons, acting friendly and nice, but maybe tempting and tricking the other people. All I want is to get away and be free. I think the walls don’t protect the people like they think, but are actually there to keep them from being free. (Note this setting may also represent the trap of temptation and addiction. This idea may come from reading a description of the meaning of the Devil in Tarot cards.) I keep looking for a way out.

I climb out a window and fly uphill, but then an awning of cloth appears over my head. It’s painted like the sky, but it’s still trapping me. (This could represent the illusion of freedom.) I keep breaking through all these barriers, all the while moving upward. I realize I’m dreaming. I wonder if the repeated sensation of cool air comes from cool air in my bedroom while I’m sleeping. When I’m “free” outside at the end, I realize I’m not really out of this world that keeps trapping me.  I wake then.

Notes:

Feeling trapped in this dream relates to feeling trapped in various jobs or parts of my life. Being in a job where I’m not happy can feel like a trap, but being unemployed and poor is also a trap. Being in the last house with Robert and Janae was a trap of poverty, isolation and crazy roommates. The household I’m in now is sane and not isolated, but being stuck in unproductive patterns of self-indulgence, guilt, anxiety and depression is still being trapped. I’m not looking for some Buddhist nirvana, but I want security, a job I like, a social group, and work for something I care about, so I don’t feel trapped in loops of boredom and meaningless toil.